Just Girls

"For girls, its better to be loved than in love."

Somebody told me about it long long time ago, about how girls should wait and be loved rather than searching and fell in love first, or fell in love deeper. But I guess, right now, I had a very doubt about it. Being loved, by a person who you don't really love, is boring, its not fulfill anything and really, its just gave you a glimpse of temporal happiness.

I guess, in this era, you can't generate any gender and said something like "girls should be like this, or boys should be like that." Patriarki hanya ada dalam adat dan norma konvensional. I mean, there's a lot girl boss nowadays. Like really, if you want your partner to be super cool, you got to have the equal classification for him too. You got to be good.

Loved or being loved, I choose to loved itself. Those people who giving their love for me easily just not satisfying. Your love is not enough. There are a lot criteria that I want from my partner. A lot. And there's a lot of things that I have not discover, there's a lot of things in this world that I haven't explore. But, surely, the world is big enough for me to sail by myself entirely and I'm okay with that, I just want to go by myself in this very moment.

I am happy for all the attentions but all of that kind of things start to bore me. I don't know whether you are realizing it or not but I felt like, I don't really want into that kind of relationship. I want to grow, I want to be more that I am today. I want to sail further than I have today. I want to push myself to my limit. I want to explore. I don't want to be stuck here and wait.

I want to be one of what people called girl boss. I want to conquer. I want to reach my dreams first before I feel satisfied with it and giving all of me to somebody. I am young, and free, and still have a very long way to discover. I want to have fun and make mistakes. I want to gain more than I fall. I want to living my life to the fullest.

There was a time when I want to have a partner to share with and accompany me along my journey. But, I guess that I am not ready to do so. It's like, I want to be selfish for my determination, I can't imagine if I had to have somebody affirmation for anything that I do. I just want to go for it.

And I just won't quit right now. I still have my tenacity that burns even every night. Yeah, it's just me, myself, and I that I really need right now.