Beginning of 2018

It's the beginning of 2018. Despite of it's just happened for 24 hours. I got so many life lesson.

I just met an old friend of mine. She's the only one in Jakarta who knows all of my story from the start. We're so close back then before we couldn't reach each other for almost 2 years. She's changed now. She was just like me back then, we were both are struggling for each other bad habit and etc. But now, she is going to get marry in count of days.

I am not quite surprise that she's going to get marry. What makes me more surprise is that she's changed almost entirely to a better person. She's changed into somebody who I would like to when I were married. She quit drinking alcohol, she's throw away almost all of her bitchy clothes, she's not being a heavy smoker.

I am so amazed to heard her story for the past 2 years that she admit she was stepping back from several people and cutting some circle off. She's way more sober that she's get out from used to be our bad habit. At some point, I am really do envy but so proud of her. She's gaining back her dignity, her pride, her confidence. She is amazing. And she said something to me like this

"gue dulu juga mikir kayak elo lid, mau berubah pas gue kawin, tapi ya gue mikir lagi, kapan gue kawinnya kalo gue ga berubah duluan"

I was clam up. Her words stabbed right through my head and heart. She's right, I should changed. And I remember all the things that happen to me for the past years was giving me a warning to stop. From her story that she began to met few people who changed, from her partner who never push her to quit but make her realize that she should change too, I am so ashamed of myself.

I am ashamed that I didn't realize that I am the one who taken everyone for granted. I am the one who keep on denying that the universe wants me to changed. In the beginning of 2018, I got so many opportunity to learn. I should changed.

And when I was on my way home, I realize another fact that I am the one who cannot accept everything that have done and gone. I keep on trying to reaching somebody who I cannot have not because of I was in love with the game. It's because I am the one who can't stand the rejection. Now that everything was happened. I should try to let things gone. I should accept the world doesn't revolve around me.

I am ashamed of myself. But I am thankful that I still have this opportunity to realizing before everything is literally too late. I am grateful, and I hope I never forget everything that I learn today. And as I write this down and share it, I have the tendency to keep on my promise to change into a better person as I want the future me be.